“I don’t really get along with other girls, too much drama.”
“I’ve never gotten along with other girls.”
“I’m a guy’s girl.”
“I’m not your typical girl.”
“I’ve never really had girlfriends.”
These are things I have said. These are things my female friends have said, and weirdly enough these are things we have said to each other while all sitting in a large group, not a man in sight. Why is it that a group of 6+ long time female friends can have a sincere conversation about not having female friends, without it being weird? You have female friends. You are talking to them and explaining why you don’t have female friends.
So, here’s the question on everyone’s mind: Why do women hate each other? Actually, that is a stupid question. The real question should be: Do women actually hate each other? In my experience, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t have female friends. Obviously there are some flaws to this method. If a woman hated other women and did not hang out with them, how would I have met her? Despite this, I would argue that it is weird to paint an entire gender with the same brush, even if it is your own gender. I can’t imagine excluding half the population, man or woman, when looking to make friends.
If I said, “I really just don’t like guys. I’m more of a girl’s girl. Guys start too much drama. I mean, they’re such dicks,” someone would probably call me a misandrist. If a man said he disliked women because they are all bitches, we’d call him a misogynist. The reason women hate other women, or at least act like and feel like they should, is because of internalized misogyny. Rather than arguing that women are not inherently bad people, women seem content to prove that they are an exception. It is a harmful mode of thought.
I do not write about this to shame or condemn women who have done it. I did it. Up until college I would proudly proclaim that I did not get along with other girls and that I only had male friends. I’d say that women were too bitchy and dramatic for me, and I believed it! I recently was looking back, and realized that there has never been a time that I did not have at least a few female friends. For most of my life I have had about an equal number of female and male friends. With this being the case, why did I think that I hated women? Why did I think that the large number of female friends I had were the exceptions and not the rule?
If we want to fight misogyny it is imperative that we don’t only look at what others need to change. If we begin to change the way that we think and talk about women, it can lead to the next generation feeling female friendships are not inferior to male ones.
-Nadia Skye Nolan
*While this picture was chosen primarily because it fit the gist of what I was saying, it is come to my attention that it could present a troubling message. In light of that, let me just say: it is not a woman’s job to keep men from harassing them. No woman deserves to be slut shamed. Women do not have to earn the right to be treated like people. Thank you. <3 -Nadia Skye Nolan